so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
