Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
