dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
