I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
