My first STD was from a foam party
i think my tv is drunk
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
