just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
