Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
