my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
