He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
