I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
