ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize