My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
