My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
