We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
