We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
