I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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