Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
40s are totally the cure
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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