i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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