Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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