Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
