someone owes me an orgasm
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
