Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize