Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
