Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
