those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
try to milk me bitch
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
