I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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