I'm sorry my penis didn't work
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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