my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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