Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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