Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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