Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
