I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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