I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
