I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
