Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
