I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
