And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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