Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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