I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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