I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
