I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize