You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
