just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
