and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
