I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
