The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
we should paint friendship bongs
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
