even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
