All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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