His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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