ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
