Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
