Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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