I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
