Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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