My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's shark week go big or go home
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
