you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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