I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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