What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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