small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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