tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
