I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
