Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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