I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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