I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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