Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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