guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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