No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
