im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
