is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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